We've already given you the 17 pricks you're bound to encounter as the Leaving Cert begins to kick into gear, but we felt it was high time someone turned the table and examined the examiners. Here are the 12 types of exam invigilator you'll see haunting your school halls in the next fortnight.
1) The Sleeping Man
No qualms about it. This is his time, and he's going to seize it. Sure, where else would you be sleeping?
2) The one who seems to stare at you, and you alone, for the duration of the exam.
What does this weird creep want from me? Not to be confused with,
3) The Meditator
An unerring ability to stare not only through you, but seemingly through walls and into a fifth dimension of some description. Facial expression similar to that of a warg in Game of Thrones.
4) The Total Bollocks Altogether
Just a smarmy dickhead of the highest order. The TBA will rip your exam from your grasp as if it's a pipe bomb, or worse, your phone. If caught cheating by this character, you are definitely not sitting your driving test in the next five years.
5) The Judge
Such piercing disapproval and disgust as you leave honours Latin after 25 minutes to win a €10 bet with your mate.
6) The Broken Soul
No clue what's going on. Cloudy-eyed and hesitant, he or she will practically apologise as you hand up your exam. Tortured by demons external to school life, The Broken Soul wants to go home and curl up into the foetal position just as much as every LC student.
7) The Guy Who 'Wasn't Fired,' But Left Another School In Suspicious Circumstances.
He's back. Turns out they actually couldn't fire him. Not weeks removed from nearly taking someone's head off with a hot chicken roll during his infamous Biology shit-fit, his reintegration to school life begins here.
8) The Freak Who Will Only Speak Irish During An Irish Exam
"Tá cúig nóiméad fágtha i do scrúdú!" What does that mean? What does any of this shite mean?
9) The Astonishingly Old, Scabrous Bagoon.
So, so old. Presumably deaf and one of the last of his or her species, expect the unexpected with the Bagoon. They retain a sixth sense for cheating, but for all you know they've died instantaneously as they sat down in their chair. This after a quick pre-exam prayer. Jesus did weep.
10) The Phantom
Quite often working in cahoots with the ancient Bagoon, The Phantom is so-called for her uncanny ability to appear out of nowhere with fresh answer booklets for the pricks who ask for them. Eerily stealthy, but always watching. She's the hero the exam hall deserves, but not the one it needs right now.
11) The Riddler
Will tap you on the shoulder, casually nod towards one of your answers and ask, "You sure about that?" before practically skipping away, faux-whistling with his hands in his pockets.
12) The One Who Goes 'Ssshhh' At Random Intervals, Regardless of Noise Levels
Usually a tragic tell-tale sign that this exam hall is the only thing they have control over in their whole lives. While they sit idly by hissing 'ciúnas,' their 15-year-old son knocks back his fourth can of Pražský in a hedge somewhere near Tullamore.
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