14 Reasons Why People Going To Electric Picnic Are Unbearable Pricks

Right, they're in Stradbally. Let's take the piss out of them out of pure jealousy to make ourselves feel better. Don't forget to tag your mates for when they get back!

1) Snapchat Bandits

The worst people on Earth, bar none. There can be no other reason for someone to Snap their way through a music festival other than to rub it in your face back home. These psychopaths must be stopped.

2) Girls Who Just Want To Show Off The Wellies They Bought In Brown Thomas

Ironically, they'll only break out these puppies out if it's dry. In fairness, they cost about 60 bills. Wait, no, not 'in fairness' at all. That's a stupid price for a pair of christing wellington boots, you idiots.

3) The Snake Who'll Slither His Way In For Free

He'll be in Electric Picnic, you won't, and somehow you're almost guaranteed to spend more money than him this weekend. And, wow, you'll hear about it when he gets back.

4) One Dork Will Have Put Hours Of Research Into Smaller Acts To Sound Like An Expert

I just feel Space Dimension Controller's new sound really speaks to that idea that Earth will ultimately be raided by a race of energy-seeking aliens known as the Pulsovians - who are worth reading about by the way - and I hope to hear that at the Red Bull Music Academy tonight, you know?

Fuck off, nerd.

5) The Headline Act Snob

Often found lifelessly copulating with no.4, the H.A.S. is already so over Blur's comeback, and just because they're all dads and drink water instead of beer now in no way makes them 'cool,' even in the modern rock'n'roll sort of Foo Fighters way.

Except, of course, it does. Blur are awesome. But that won't stop this dickhead encouraging you to check out Formidable Veg Sound System instead. Their brass sounds are very early Blur.

6) Some Of Them Cycled There

The miserable bastards.

No, I don't want to sponsor you, Mother Theresa. You can buy your own pills.

7) The Plague Of 17-Year-Olds

The most damning effect the loss of Oxegen Festival has had on our small nation.

8) The Lad Roaring Outside Your Tent At 6 In The Morning

You took my hour's sleep from me. I will end your lineage.

9) Lads Who Rock Up Next To You In Stradbally To Watch The Match, Covered In Shite

With the Dublin - Mayo replay on Saturday and the All-Ireland Hurling Final on Sunday, it's going to be a testing few days for Stradbally's pub and shop owners. These lads will stink.

10) The Asshole Who Says It's Not As Good As Benicassim

Ehhh that's because this is Laois?

11) The Fashion Blogger Epidemic

Studies show that 76% of Irish women are now fashion bloggers, and every single one of the vainglorious weirdos will descend upon Stradbally this weekend for pictures.

Incredibly, over the last number of years, Electric Picnic seem to have introduced a secret rule where girls are refused admission to the festival if they're not sporting a 'bindi.' Don't even think of travelling if you haven't first glued a load of glittery shite to your forehead and face. What are you, some kind of idiot?

12) People Working On Radio

Turn on a radio station right now. They're at Electric Picnic.

13) 'Rampage Jackson' Will Go On A Tent-Smashing Spree

Every group of friends has a 'Rampage Jackson.' The man who, out of his mind on one substance or another, just starts ploughing through tents like some kind of angry giant, leaving a trail of devastation, pain and spilled cans in his wake. Word about 'Rampage' spreads like wildfire throughout the campsite. His legend will live on until Electric Picnic 2016.

That is unless he uproots your tent, in which case he's a right berk.