Spending four hours at a concert is rarely disappointing, whether you are a die hard fan of the music or not. While most people go to the bother of getting a ticket because they actually like the band, some people are dragged along as a plus one, but regardless of your love or loathing of cheesy pop songs, you will be kept entertained by the various types of people that crop up at every concert. We thought that by sharing the 12 annoying eejits at concerts that you will always manage to see, we could prepare those yet to pop their concert cherry for what's in store and bring you avid concertgoers on a trip down memory lane.
Those wearing the pink cowboy hats
These horrible hats are available at every junction, street corner and entrance to any concert and are usually a big selling point for the stall owners roaring "GET YOUR HATS, SCARVES, HEADBANDS AND T-SHIRTS" at everyone walking by. The candyfloss pink suits very few people, and those it potentially would suit wouldn't be seen dead in them. While they make the wearer look like they are heading to a gawdy rodeo, in fact the pink hat symbolises "I'm out with my gals and the kids are nowhere to be seen. Lets get hammered!!"
The die hard fans
These people know every single word to every single song ever created by the band, even those bonus track songs that were on the CD singles stacked high in your attic. They are also covered head to toe in merchandise and think they are the shit wearing a t-shirt from the band's first ever concert. No, just no.
The criers
Similarly to the die hard fans this group are usually covered in memorabilia, but have tear stains soaking their t-shirt from bawling their eyes out at every concert. The thing is, concerts are very rarely a sad occasion so why the hell are these people crying? They are either extremely sensitive, a hormonal teenager or just mental, but crying during every song because they "have a special meaning" to you or the singer/band just "gets you" is never acceptable. Also, please note that a puffy red face with panda eyes is not a good look for anyone so please give it a rest.
Those who pretend to know the words
These ones will give you a laugh at just how silly they look. They haven't a clue of the words of even the most popular songs but catch a line or two of the chorus halfway through and belt it out, while for the rest of the song, and realistically the concert they're lips are moving in completely different directions to yours when you are roaring the ACTUAL song lyrics.
The mystery farter
This isn't just limited to concerts, it also happens at matches, but in the sweaty closeness that accompanies most concerts this is made so much worse by the inability of the smell to be swiftly spread by the wind available at an outdoors venue. The culprit is sly and gets away with poisoning the crowd because they join in when people start clutching their nose, grimacing and peering around the try and find the offender.
The drunk fan
This is a baffling one. Why in the name of God would you bother spending your hard earned money or your parents' hard earned money buying a ticket for a concert only to get so drunk that you either pass out during the opening act or you're falling on top of random strangers telling them you love them for the whole concert. It's not fun for anyone so stop doing it. Enjoy yourself, sure, but at least remember the night.
The unlucky partner/spouse
No, your boyfriend doesn't want to spend a Saturday night watching you swoon over Sam Smith so don't drag him along. he would much rather a night out with the lads and the reason he bought you two tickets was not so you could go together, it's so you could bring a girlfriend, your little sister or your mother and give him a break for the night. Take the hint.
The PDA couples
These people are the absolute worst humans to ever set foot in a concert venue. We paid good money to see the band we adore wow us with their musical greatness, not to watch you suck the face off your significant other. Public displays of affection should be banned in general but especially in such close proximity, where unfortunate onlookers have no choice but to put up with you elbowing them as they continuously wrap and unwrap their arms around their latest squeeze.
The ones who ring their entire phone book
Sorry to burst your bubble but all the person on the other end of the phone can hear is loud noise and possibly you screaming the lyrics down the phone. It's nice of you to think of friends and loved ones when enjoying yourself at a concert but to be honest phoning them isn't pleasant for them or for the person who's face you are waving your phone in.
The ones who record the whole concertÂ
Facebook check in with accompanying selfie - check, Twitter post with the band tagged - check, Snapchat to full contact list and story update - check. 17 average quality videos so you can remember the concert you attended but never actually saw because you were too busy on your phone - Check. PUT THE PHONE AWAY! There's nothing wrong with the odd photo or short snippet of your favourite song but bringing equipment just short of a professional filming set up is no fun for you or the people behind you that have to watch the show through your tiny screen. It's distracting, so stop.
The giant
There should be a rule that people of a certain height should have to stand at the back or something. Mere mortals not gifted with legs for miles somehow always end up stuck behind the tallest person they have ever seen so enjoy staring at their back or moving your head from side to side while on tip-toes just to see the screen for the entire concert. Don't worry though, they had a great view.
The parent
This can go one of two ways, bored or overly energetic. The bored one was sound enough to forego their sanity for the sake of their One-Direction-loving daughter and her gaggle of giggling friends. They look uncomfortable and completely out of place with a vacant, worried look on their face. The second type are the parents who "love this song" even though they have never heard it before and their enthusiastic dancing is so out of synch that it's just embarrassing. They want you to see them as "cool", bless them, so just go with it.
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