Couples who share links on each other's Facebook timelines - what in the shit are you doing, and what do you want from us?
We've all been there. Scrolling past absolute garbage memes from random, I don't know - Singaporese? - radio stations that some total berk you haven't seen since school 'liked', thereby polluting your newsfeed with his or her horrendous sense of humour.
You stop briefly to have a shameless little chuckle at something Khalil Underwood - the one true social observationist of our time, and I think a musician though I could easily be wrong - has said. He's left about a dozen laughing emojis next to it and, in fairness to the weirdo, he's hit the nail on the head again.
You're about to leave Facebook for another 12 or 13 minutes and restart the episode of whatever show you had attempted to watch simultaneously, when it catches your eye.
The inter-relationship Facebook link.
why couples feel the need to share links and tag each other on facebook eludes me. copy/paste and texting exists?
— Sam (@SamPuckey) September 12, 2015
Almost instantaneously you're stunned into a hateful, head-shaking silence. They're at it again, the needy fucks.
In the occasionally unbearable age of social media - where we've militarised friendship to the point that we call our group of friends 'the squad' - Facebook Couples Who Link are, by a distance, the worst thing ever to happen mankind.
But why do they do it, the weird creeps?
couples that always communicate via facebook posts, statuses, links, etc. really scream out to me that they're trying to prove something
— 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐲 (@mermaid_spice) August 13, 2015
Amen, '@mermaid_spice' (Jesus, by the way).
Let me take you back a few years, when you happened upon old pictures of your parents together. Did you ever come across a picture of your father's falsely smiling face hovering above a lasagne in some middle-of-the-range restaurant? No?
That's because back then, life wasn't a passive-aggressive competition. Couples in their 20s didn't have Instagram. They didn't 'check-in' at l'Ecrivain in the hope of emitting the sense that they were having a far superior night than their friends. Their friends, in turn, didn't comment saying 'Oh! My! God! Was there last week! Enjoy!' (which, of course, subliminally translates as 'Hahaha! Was there before you, you thundering bitch!!!')
Couples who link think they're winning. They're aware that we'll see it. They're aware, too, that we'll read their playful back-and-forths (and let's face it, we often do for some reason), where both sort of 'banter' their way through a private joke-ridden conversation in the comments section - literally one of the most public forums known to man.
Obviously it's a tragically insecure mindset - 'hey, 786 Facebook friends, remember that I'm in a relationship and, like, really really happy?' - and we should arguably sympathise with anybody naive enough to believe that even one person on Earth outside of their relationship actually gives a baker's fuck.
But it's the pure cheek and blatancy, isn't it? As if we're unaware that these creatures have Whatsapp, text messaging, email, or - heaven forbid - a face-to-face means of contact to discuss, I dunno, '7 Tips For Being An Insufferably Narcissistic Prick', or whatever it is they've shared on their significant other's page.
Couples who share links etc on each others Facebook pages has to be Top 5 Corniest Behaviours on the Internet.
— Stephen Foote (@Stephen_Foote_) July 3, 2014
You'll always find extreme cases of this kind of bellendery - I recently had a Facebook friend who 'shared a memory' of a romantic holiday last year and tagged her boyfriend in it, saying "awww take me back!"
I mean, what are you doing? Nobody else was there except him! I, for example, have absolutely no recollection of the holiday; it's frankly not a 'memory' for me at all. Do you expect us to scroll through the pictures of both of you very awkwardly drinking together a full year ago, sweating profusely, and somehow try to vicariously enjoy it?
Of course not. You just want to remind us all that you went on holidays once, and that - fair play to you - you're still going out with the person you went with. A fucking outstanding achievement, all things considered.
Get in the sea, Couples Who Link, you absolute pains in the hole.
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