Think Piece: We Need To Talk About How Mild It Is

OK I've kept quiet for long enough. It's fierce mild. So so mild.

We've had storms, wind, rain, the works but even through all that it's still so bloody mild. And it's not just any kind of mildness. Is 'unseasonable' mildness. The most mild of all the degrees of mild weather.

In fact it is now officially the warmest December in 60 years. Just look at these stats from the Irish Times:

The Phoenix Park recorded a temperature of 15 degrees of Wednesday just two degrees off the record temperature for the weather station when a 17.1 degrees was recorded on December 2nd 1948. The average for the Phoenix Park in December is 5.3 degrees.

10 degrees above average. Sure that's bordering on warm, let alone mild! I don't know what to do. I have of course contracted the black lung on account of the stuffiness of the country. Sure germs are spreading like wildfire.

To make matters worse there are those in my vicinity - be it at home or in the office - who have been thrown by this warmth. They are creatures of habit so still they go and put on the heating when there's absolutely no fucking need to! 'But it's December,' they'll argue. It's 15 bloody degrees! 'But it's raining,' they'll say. It's warm rain!

Builders are one step away from getting into the JCB topless, teenagers are on the verge of going swimming at the pier, sheep are sheering themselves ... It's madness!

Foul Workplace body odour has risen by 200% due to the amount of people sweating buckets on their walk into work because they were in a t-shirt, a top, a coat and a scarf when they really only needed the t-shirt. Many of us haven't even had the opportunity to whip the good jacket out yet. When will the madness end!?

God, what you wouldn't do for a bit of frost...