Welcome to today's celeb news that really isn't news and is so mundane that you shouldn't waste your time reading pointless stories on them, so we have very kindly condensed all the celeb shite of the day into a quick post so you will feel like you could start celebrity blogging ASAP.
Brace yourselves folks, these stories may just blow your mind:
Jake Quickenden goes on tour and agrees no one knows him
Jake Quickenden, from esteemed reality shows The X-Factor and I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! called some lad a 'dick face' because he said Jake wasn't a celeb. Eh duh, dick face, Jake knows that he just likes to sing and works 'hard AF' (As F*ck for the non cool kids). Seems he's taking his twitter vocabulary and maturity from his 14 year old screaming girl fans.
When people say to me " your not even a celebrity " haha I no dick face I just like singing and got lucky oh and I work hard AF ✌️
— Jake Quickenden (@JakeQuickenden) July 13, 2015
Luke Wilson's ex-girlfriend suffers from dreadful hayfever
Owen Wilson's less known brother Luke sat on a bench beside his ex-girlfriend Meg Simpson, consoling her as her hayfever became all too much and she started to tear up. There's another theory that they were still coming to terms with the demise of their long term relationship but our theory is more realistic.
Miley needs protection from her lunch
Cornrowed Miley goes for lunch with her rumoured girlfriend, Stella Maxwell and the model was quick to put a 'protective hand' on Miley's back. What she was protecting her from is anyone's guess, but we have heard that Caesar salads can be vicious.
Zayn Malik gives out to a Naughty Boy on Twitter
Zayn called his former friend, and music producer who is a Naughty Boy (for reasons unknown), a "fat joke". They even did the unthinkable and... wait for it... are you sitting down? They unfollowed each other on Twitter. Well that's that then, no salvaging that friendship. Here's the cryptic tweets if you haven't already fallen asleep with boredom:
this "music" business teaches you the tricks but never the truth . you know who you are.
— Naughty Boy (@NaughtyBoyMusic) July 12, 2015
don't feed the hand that bites you
— Naughty Boy (@NaughtyBoyMusic) July 12, 2015
@NaughtyBoyMusic you fat joke stop pretending we're friends no one knows you .
— zayn (@zaynmalik) July 13, 2015
Someone learned how to upload a video... maybe now he should learn how to use logic ha you ain't shit but a faker
— zayn (@zaynmalik) July 13, 2015
Since the world has lost the plot, you can now follow the live feed of the feud on the Irish Mirror. God help us all
And finally,
The only celeb family we all care about (no, not really), The Kardashian/Jenner clan
Keeping up with the bubble that is the lives of the Kardashian/Jenners, Kim goes for lunch with her husband, while their daughter North acted like a normal child and rubbed her buttery hands on her mothers coat which cost a fortune. Khloe wan't Beyoncé's arse and the youngest one has more hairstyles than we can keep track of. Today it's possibly the cornrow look or that could have been yesterday, who can keep up? Oh and she also showed off her boobs while looking like a mermaid.
I give up.
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