Everyone has a favourite, the one you automatically reach for as soon as you get to the shop counter. You know where it's positioned in your local shop and by now the act of grabbing it is a sub-concious effort, but have you ever wondered what your choice of chocolate bar says about you?
We have carried out all the required tests to decipher what type of person you are based on your preferred bar of chocolatey goodness. This is by no means a definitive list, because to be honest I couldn't be arsed going through every bar but there's a good enough selection that you should find one that makes you go 'ah yeh, that's me alright'.
The milk chocolate fan (Dairymilk/Galaxy/Aero)
Safe and boring. You go for the standard, can't-go-wrong choice. It's just plain chocolate so realistically what's not to like? In your defence, the fact you can't go wrong with plain milk chocolate also means you are very reliable and won't let people down.
The turkish fan
Sorry to break it to you but you are a questionable individual if this is your favourite chocolate bar. The fact that this bar constantly divides people's opinion means you like to do/say things just for the sake of being controversial because it's hard to see how you could actually like it. It's for those people who either like eating perfume or else have no teeth. Bold move.
The caramel chocolate fan (Caramello, Dairymilk Caramel, Galaxy Caramel)
A person of luxury. You like to treat yourself and just like the creamy, luscious caramel mixed with the milk chocolate, you yourself are one smooth operator and can talk anyone into seeing things from your point of view, but not in a sly way, you're just sneakily clever.
The mint chocolate fan (Mint Crisp, Mint Aero)
There was a lot of debate in The Sliced Pan offices around the meaning of this one. Some felt it was a crime and that it was basically brushing your teeth while eating chocolate at the same time. However, I vehemently disagree. People who eat this type of chocolate are adventurous and like to live on the wild side and are not afraid to go for what they believe in. Goal driven or even inspirational some might say.
The Twirl/Flake fan
Ok so they are different bars entirely but serve the same purpose; to drive you bonkers thanks to falling all over your trousers and melting before you even notice you didn't get it all in your mouth. If this is the bar you go for you have the patience of a saint as well as being very active because a lazy person realises that it's just not worth the effort for the chocolate stained trousers they will inevitably end up with.
The Snickers fan
You have anger issues. It's likely you will buy this in a fit of rage then in your angered state rip the top off it before the soothing mix of flavours calms you down. Don't you know you're not you when you're hungry?
The Fruit & Nut fan (any other bar with fruit in it)
You're trying to be healthy but let's be honest, you're fooling no one. Throwing the odd raisin into a lump of chocolate doesn't make you health conscious, after all it's still chocolate, but whatever helps you sleep at night.
The Whole Nut fan
You're straight to the point, no bullshit. Plain chocolate with a bit of a bite, like yourself, it's touch to crack and there's no messing involved.
The Bounty fan
No, just no. If this is the bar you choose then you should sit down and have a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror and question all your life choices. The pieces of coconut get stuck in your teeth and make this weird soggy but crunchy sound like your're biting into a lettuce leaf stalk, eww. In your defence, you're the type who doesn't give a shite about anything, and you are a rare breed, so fair play.
The Snack bar fan (purple obviously)
Look, if you are choosing either the yellow or the pink, forget about it. The only snack bar that money should be spent on is the purple snack. Works best when dipped in tea and melts in your mouth. You're the one who everyone loves, and no one has a bad word to say about. You're just an all round good guy/gal.
The Golden Crisp/Crunchie fan
You're away with the fairies. You definitely don't eat your chocolate just by biting into it, you must either eat all the chocolate off the Crunchie then eat the honeycomb pieces or in the case of the Golden Crisp, let the single square melt in your mouth until all you're left with is the little balls of golden goodness. You're a daydreamer.
The Mars bar fan
You're either a tradesman/woman and this is your daily 11 am snack with your tae or you're just old fashioned and haven't been tempted by these fancy bars with jellies and popper things on the inside of them. Don't ever change.
The dark chocolate fan
The ultimate health freak. While the Fruit & Nutters think they are health conscious, they're only fooling themselves. You on the other hand, you're serious about your healthy lifestyle and more than likely 'treat' yourself to one single square after a ten mile hike and a Cobb salad. I'd rather eat cardboard, but that's just me.
The white chocolate fan
So, technically, according to my sources on t'internet, white chocolate isn't technically chocolate, although once it contains 20% cocoa butter it can be called white chocolate. Keep that gem for the next pub quiz. Anyway, fans of white chocolate are usually the ones who also like five sugars in their tea and are walking diabetes waiting to happen. It's soooo sweet, although I'm partial to a white hot chocolate every now and again but that's a whole other story.
This list isn't based on a single scientific fact so take it all with a pinch of salt and eat whatever chocolate bar you so desire without an ounce of guilt.
Tags:
