May Christ guide our asses through another roller-coaster ride of celebrity guff.
The royal baby was called a transvestite on Loose Women, and R'n'B star Chris Brown was puzzled in the Philippines.
Here we go...
Again.
Madonna Compared Herself To Picasso
I made it through the wilderness.............. somehow i made it through! ❤️#rebelhearttour pic.twitter.com/GDWjAPMBTD
— Madonna (@Madonna) June 30, 2015
It's a strong opener for fans of utter tripe. Music legend Madonna has compared herself to Spanish painter and sculptor Pablo Picasso, seemingly for no other reason than the fact that she felt like saying words.
I like to compare myself to other kinds of artists like Picasso. He kept painting and painting until the day he died,
the 187-year-old said. We don't actually think anybody asked her. More importantly, remember when she fell? Jesus, that was hilarious. Go on Madge!
Madonna is of an age where you could say she 'had a fall.'
— Gavan Casey (@GavanCasey) February 26, 2015
Loose Women's Janet Street-Porter Calls Prince George 'A Cross-Dressing Millionaire'
In one of the worst video clips you'll have seen this century, some haggard old biddy that I feel you'd stumble upon acting particularly stupid on the likes of BBC's Would I Lie To You, called a baby a name and offended people.
Considering there's nothing wrong with wearing whatever the hell you want to wear, and therefore being called a cross-dresser shouldn't really be considered more of an insult than being called, say, 'a person,' it's probably the way she said it that has people riled up.
I'll level with you: I'm finding it hard to care.
An Idiot Wants To Go Back On I'm A Celeb
I have genuinely no idea who Gemma Collins is, but apparently she only lasted 72 hours in the jungle last year before claiming she had malaria, and now she's 'fascinated' by the prospect of going back.
People really are amazing.
Fair play, Gemma!
Chris Brown Is Puzzled In The Philippines, Reaches Out To President Obama, Does A Backflip
Breezy says he’s confused as to why he’s currently stuck in Manila. I believe him.
I hoped it might have been something to do with him being a woman-beating piece of shit, but it's actually due to a fraud claim on the back of a cancelled concert in the Philippines on New Year's Eve last year.
Hey Chris, finish this sentence: 'I'm A Celebrity...'
And finally, you know what's next at this stage...
The Kardashians/Jenners Are Up To The Same Old Shite
Well, Khloe is battling for sole custody of her children after splitting with her husband of 10 years, who has serious alcohol issues. That's not funny at all, to be honest. But it is - by Kardashian standards - news, and that's why we're here.
Elsewhere, the slightly more trollopy version of the younger ones asked us to vote for her in the 'Selfie Taker' category at this year's Teen Choice Awards, which might just be the worst thing to happen in 2015.
And the other young one - the second youngest I want to say - pulled one of the sneakiest, most subtly hilarious tricks in the history of Kardashian photoshoots:
Admittedly I could be wrong here, but does book cover read 'Classic Poetry?' Good one!
We're back tomorrow with more of this kind of messing.
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