It's hard to know where it started, to be honest. Maybe it was a couple of Irish tourists returning home from Paris, inspired by the amorous ambiance. Perhaps it was just a pair of drunken eejits, one of whom was keen to 'seal the deal' after a passionate night of young romance in DTwo. Regardless of origin, it's clear how it went down. At some point in the past, someone in Dublin turned to their significant other and said, "I love you. Let's make shite of the Ha'penny Bridge."
Be it vandalism or romantic gesture, the act of 'locking' your relationship to one of the capital's old landmarks drew ire from the authorities. In 2014, hundreds of these love locks were forcibly removed from the bridge by way of pliers. Some, however, remain to this day. And naturally, more have been locked on since the infamous Love Lockdown, which presumably destroyed dozens of healthy, loving relationships.
But what do those left on the bridge today say about their owners' relationship? I made the short trip to the Ha'penny Bridge to conduct a vigorous study based on my mastery of romanticism (I was passing by, and I've kissed over four women).
Tim <3 Lisa
Tim and Lisa's love lock, dated April 2012, withstood the padlock massacre of 2014. Because of this, we can safely assume that so too did their relationship.
Here's the thing about Tim - he's a minimalist; everything down to his own name can testify to that. His standard gold lock that your local Centra would use to keep their minerals container shut. *Permanent* marker, to represent his quiet but ever-burning affection for his beloved Lisa, who - knowing how Tim likes remain traditionally 'manly' - would have been blown away by the gesture. Fair play to Lisa and Tim, they'll be married by 2016, if they're not already.
Rhys & Christie
For Welsh couple Rhys and Christie, it's a different story entirely. Rhys' bold proclamation that he and Christie were 'In Love' didn't bother his lovely lass from the valleys back in 2013, but the couple's conspicuous efforts to put their own relationship over everything else gradually alienated them from their friends, and even family.
Their relationship perished beneath the weight of their own expectation, and Rhys and Christie were split up by March of 2014. Rhys is afraid to love again. Their padlock remains unblemished, a chilling reminder of where romantic contractualisation can go tits up.
Rex and the USA
Only a man named Rex would declare his love for the Home of the Brave on a foreign bridge. Don't mind your shite, Rex.
Jean and Harry
This is an appalling effort by Jean, who met Harry Styles outside Lillie's Bordello at the back-end of One Direction's Where We Are tour in 2014. Of course, their ideas of 'where they were' varied greatly.
Knowing Hazza had a flight to catch, Jean grew desperate in her efforts to tie him down. She scrawled the pairs names onto somebody else's love lock until her fingers were bloodied. By the time she turned around, Styles was halfway to Peru. Story of her life, etc.
TJ and Leah
Beginning to regret starting this now, to be honest.
TJ, TJ, TJ... Teej - can we call you Teej? Talk about overcompensation. A calculated effort to intertwine your slightly more fancy, chrome grey device with tiny, seemingly insignificant neighbours will prove fruitless (although nice effort with the grey lock, considering the name originates from the Irish word for grey - liath). But let's be honest, Leah will right through your agenda if she hasn't already, along with your attempt to make the date seem naturally eroded because you couldn't remember your own bloody anniversary.
Enjoy the lonely nights binge-watching The Wire, Teej. You're goose is cooked, son.
Tommy Walsh and Marie
Kilkenny hurler Tommy Walsh opted for the black and amber lock, and even as a Corkman I have to say this is a really classy effort - symbolic of Walsh's grace on the pitch.
The interlocking with his then fiance Marie's own lock is how this dangerous game should be played, if you're to play it at all. No qualms here. Tommarie remain happy to this day, and Tommy's former debs date who tried to piggyback his lock is only embarrassing herself.
My Ex-Girlfriend and I
WHY, FIONNUALA? WE WERE GOOD FOR EACH OTHER!!!
Steffi <3s Bobbi
Selfless Steffi and Bobbi were so keen for their relationship to slip under the radar that they seem to have deployed some sort of technological force which rejects the focus of iPhone cameras, instead deflecting it to the streets behind.
I'm happy for them that they don't find the need to flaunt their strong chemistry. I'm equally happy that two people who end their names with the letter 'i' found each other, and don't need to bother anyone else with their crap. Congrats, Steffi and Bobbi!
Mike
Ah, what are you at Mike, in fairness?
UPDATE: Leah has gotten in touch and revealed that she has indeed ended things with Teej, who she described as 'a lazy bastard, who never cared about anyone but himself.' Fair play, Leah. Keep doing you.
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